my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
