I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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