You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
