We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
