Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
