listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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