Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
