Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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