I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
