I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ttyl tear gas
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
