Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
