i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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