I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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