I think I died a long time ago.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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