I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
