dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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