my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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