Ambien. No doubt about it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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