Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
