i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
