Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
