hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
