Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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