she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
