so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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