apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
