i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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