take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
