I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
