Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
