Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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