i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
