shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh god it's open bar.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize