you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
