im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize