i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He better not be in your backpack
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
