There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
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