The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
