I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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