We won't sleep together?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
