the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
