I must be too annoying 4 u.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The feeling are messing with the penis
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
