Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
