is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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