i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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