I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
