speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
