there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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