If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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