now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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