he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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