Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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