guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
