its not stalking. its research.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
