I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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