Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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