He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
