He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
