i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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