it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
