what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
