hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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