During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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