Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
