I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
