Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Randomize
