I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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