My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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