How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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