seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
