I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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