i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
