wanna go halves on a baby?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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