I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize