so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
