o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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