Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
