I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I got inside last night via doggy door
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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