My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
