The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
