Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
