I can tuck mytits in my pants
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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