I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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