seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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