Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
