whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Boobs speak an international language.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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