I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
tell me about the eggs
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
