I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
