So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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