Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
