Umm I'm too high to move.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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