I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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