I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
