can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
