bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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