I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
