dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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