Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
