oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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