Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
