Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize