i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
