Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
