Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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