I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
