Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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