I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
