Got a toothbrush?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
